


A sister's shield

by wtpthedemon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Recovery, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of past abuse, Past Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Scars, Sibling Relationship, depictions of anxiety attacks, green paladin Matt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtpthedemon/pseuds/wtpthedemon
Summary: Having been saved from Lotor Pidge has to recover from the trauma and abuse she suffered. Matt is there to try his best to make his sister feel better when it’s clear she’s too stubborn to allow herself to heal from it. Thankfully everyone is there to hopefully encourage her to take the time she needs and to heal.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8
Collections: Pidge Angst Bang





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, I'm so excited to finally share this ^^ It's part of an angst bang and I'm really happy I was able to participate ^^ 
> 
> I got help from these amazing people, with both an amazing artist and beta ^^ On Tumblr there will be a post showing the art and the link to the fic, I'll link it as soon as possible
> 
> The amazing artist Nic who deserves infinite praise: [Their insta ^^](https://www.instagram.com/_nicsartgarden_/)  
> and the beautiful art they made: [The post with the amazing art ^^](https://nic-nic-nic.tumblr.com/post/636317373599825920/a-sisters-shield-chapter-1-wtpthedemon%22)  
> The lovely person who betad: [Their ao3 profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idealistic_fatalism)

How long had it been since Lotor had captured her? Pidge didn’t really have any idea but it couldn’t have been more than a few months though. Those few months felt like an eternity, either way, Lotor always had a new way in-store to make her feel worthless or get hurt. 

Hitting her, insulting her, manipulating her, making her think the others were dead… Katie even had some clear burns on her body from the time the galra had decided that the druids would like to test how much pain she could take before passing out. 

Thankfully Pidge had somehow kept her hope that she would either escape or be saved by her teammates. After all, they were Voltron and no one had defeated them so far. And even if it wasn’t Voltron that saved her Katie knew that Matt was looking for her whenever he could. 

Hearing footsteps down the hall made the female freeze up, she hoped it was just a guard passing by and not the asshole prince. Katie sat there, trembling slightly as her eyes glimmered with fear, until Shiro came rushing through the cell door with a slight pant.   
  


“Pidge, thank god we were so worried,” The man said, quickly opening the door. Only a quick glimpse was enough to make Shiro even more worried than he already had been. Not only had Lotor captured one of his kids but hurt her as well, there were so many visible scars on her arms it sickened Shiro to the point he almost wanted to throw up.

Pidge was clearly a bit shaken, a sad yet happy smile on her face. She wasn’t sure why but the idea of someone actually coming to rescue her had felt like a fantasy. Before she could even say a word though Pidge felt Shiro pick her up, a quick noise of uncomfortableness left her as she tried not to struggle. It would only makes things harder.

She stayed still the best she could, why was she shaking so much? Shiro wouldn’t hurt her and leave those scars Lotor had left her with. She needed to calm down, it wasn’t fair to react this way when it was on Shiro holding her….Right?

Shiro immediately noticed how uncomfortable Pidge seemed in his hold, it worried him a lot but he couldn’t really do anything about it yet sadly. Shiro could tell she was clearly traumatized and was going to need help with it. With a deep breath, Shiro did his best to speed up, finally reaching the black lion and making their escape before someone could capture them. 

Once they were a safe distance away from the galra fleet everyone let out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh my god, Pidge I was so scared! Are you okay?” Hunk said over the transmitters, clearly worried and ready to throw all of his love and affection at her. 

“Y-yeah I’m fine Hunk...just a bit hurt,” Pidge said, smiling at her friends' worry. Although there was something off in her tone, it was obvious how she was hiding the truth. 

“Once we’re back you can tell us if you want to, does that sound good?” Shiro offered, not wanting one of his teammates and kids to keep details from him, or even pretend they were fine when they clearly were not. Pidge’s silence wasn’t exactly encouraging to say the least. It made everyone worry even more than they already had been. What had Lotor even done to cause such clear discomfort?

  
  
  


Katie stayed quiet the entire ride back, only chuckling at the jokes Lance made every now and then. Fear bubbled in the girl's stomach especially when it came to recounting past events, it made her nauseous even. After all, she was a paladin of Voltron, she was supposed to be the smart one, the one to not be bothered by a lot, she wasn’t supposed to let something like being captured by the enemy affect her so much right?

Thankfully her train of thought was cut short when she noticed the big white and blue spaceship castle finally coming into view. Pidge hadn’t even noticed they had gone through a wormhole at all. 

“We’re here,” Shiro said, smiling at the girl. Although the smile was clearly worried and somewhat nervous. “Matt will be here soon too,” He said, hoping it would make Katie at least say what happened, even if it would be vague. 

“You called Matt?” Pidge asked, a clear happy tone coming through her current silent one which was nice to hear for everyone. Shiro smiled and nodded, glad to see Pidge at least excited to see her brother again after a while. 

Shiro had worried about Matt’s mental health too with how worried he had been but having heard him so relieved when they had finally found Pidge was a nice change from his earlier serious and worried self to his usual happy one. Although that probably wouldn’t be the case considering how traumatized Katie seemed to have become. 

  
  


Finally, the lions flew into their hangars, green immediately making happy purring noises as it felt Pidge’s presence. Katie smiled, running out of the black lion to see her own green baby. “I missed you too girl, don’t worry we’ll be going back to the usual again,” She said, a clear smile on her face. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea though? I mean… ya know” Lance said, carefully approaching her. He didn’t want to startle her after all. Lance was worried she might be taking on too much after having suffered so much. 

“Yeah I’ll be fine, you don’t have to worry,” Pidge said, waving off Lance’s concern as if it wasn’t actually an issue. “Besides it wasn’t that bad” She lied, although it was more for herself than others considering a few bruises were visible on her skin. 

Shiro frowned, he was very aware that Katie wasn’t fine and would need time to recover but knowing her she would probably just act tough, which she was but trauma had a habit of destroying even the greatest sense of confidence and pride. 

“How about we talk about that later? Matt is on his way here so let’s get some food first,” He suggested, eyeing the green lion for a moment. The most they could all do is hope that no one would attack while Katie clearly needed to regain a sense of safety.

  
  
  


Pidge stayed silent on their way to the lounge area and even while in the area itself, it was almost uncomfortable how quiet it even was for the others. No one dared to say or do anything until the doors finally opened to reveal Allura with Matt. “Matt,” she called out, a clear smile to see her brother again. Standing up she wanted to give him a hug but something kept her from doing so. 

“Katie!” Matt said, running towards his sister with a smile. God he had been so worried that Lotor had hit, belittled or abused his sister, granted there were a few bruises on her arms but that could mean struggling. He hoped his sister didn’t suffer so much.

  
  


His hopes were broken the second Pidge recoiled away in fear. He was just going in for a high five...That was when it hit him. She even raised her arms as if she would be blocking a slap or punch. It nearly made him want to go and kill Lotor. Of course that evil purple snob had hurt his sister, of course his sister would be traumatized. Why would Matt even think otherwise? 

He didn’t even notice how shocked his expression must’ve been because when Pidge didn’t feel an impact she lowered her arms. And she stared back with guilty and scared eyes, as if she had really believed her brother would hurt her despite knowing very well he wouldn’t do it no matter what would happen. 

It made Matt feel awful, scared, and even sick knowing Katie was so traumatized. He knew she was going to need help to recover with the help from everyone, maybe even a therapist. The male had been overjoyed when he was told his sister had been saved, even dropping everything he was working on just to come and see her safe and sound. Yet even when he had wished that they could’ve switched places with him being captured instead, Matt knew that when his sister was so clearly traumatized that probably no one could’ve gotten out of that without any mental scars. 

Honestly, it made him wish even more that he could’ve been the one captured.

But that wasn’t important right now. He was supposed to make his sister feel safe and happy now, not wonder what could have been. 

  
  
  


“Hey it’s okay, you’re safe here. That snob can’t reach you here” Matt said before anyone else could say a word. He hoped it would help at least a bit.

Pidge looked at Matt for a few seconds before looking away. “I know...I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been captured,'' she mumbled, unaware of how it surprised her brother even more. 

Matt frowned deeply, promising himself that he'd be there for his sister until she would feel safe around people again. “Katie...you shouldn’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault,” He said, making sure that approaching her was okay. “It happened and it’s not your fault okay? It’s fine not being okay after what you went through” 

The female stayed silent for a moment as she stared at Matt, she knew very well it was fine to not be okay yet here she was for some reason reacting as if everyone was going to hurt her like Lotor had done. She knew they would never do that though so why was she reacting like this?

“I’m fine, I just need to relax for a bit,” Pidge said, just wanting things to get back to normal despite logically knowing that wasn’t how it worked. 

  
  


A silence swept the room for a few moments, Shiro finally being the one to speak. “I know you want things to be fine but that’s sadly not how it works Pidge,” He said with a frown, granted with them being paladins of Voltron he hadn’t had the proper mental help either but a good support system had been helpful to at least reduce the severeness of his PTSD when it showed up. But unlike him, Katie clearly needed more than just support. 

Katie frowned before beginning to walk out of the room. “Wait, Pidge where are you going?” Lance asked, wanting to go after her only for Matt to have already left to follow her before anyone else could do so.

  
  


Walking towards the hangars Pidge couldn’t help but wonder why it had to affect her so much. She was the smartest person on the team, why couldn’t she just take all the abuse without it affecting her? 

Of course, the female was aware it didn’t work like that, she was traumatized and she knew it but...her stubbornness kept her from accepting she needed more than just a bit of alone time.

The hangars felt big compared to the cell she had been kept in during her time as galran prisoner. It made her feel a bit saver again. “Hey green, I’ve missed you so much girl,” Pidge said, with a soft smile on her face. Katie wondered if she should try and take a short and quick flight. 

The lion didn’t let down the shields though despite Pidge’s want, maybe it was the fact that she should get the injuries checked first or that Katie should talk more or maybe even the fact the cockpit was small and might trigger a panic attack but it had decided Pidge shouldn’t come in despite its happy purrs. 

Katie frowned, she wanted to spend time with her lion yet even that wasn’t allowed. It was her mind that really worried green, it was scared and broken to the point where Pidge might get panic attacks during fights if the memories would return suddenly.

  
  


Matt was watching his sister’s exchange with the green lion, it pained him to see her so troubled. He wondered what to do for a moment before going with what his gut was telling him to do. 

“Hey Pidge...you okay?” He said, approaching her normally like he would to make her feel comfortable. 

It seemed to work as she turned back without any seeming scared or anything. If anything Katie seemed a bit relieved. “Yeah...just a bit annoyed,” She said, clearly angry at this entire situation in general to say the least. Being locked out from flying her lion wasn’t fun, especially when it was for barely any reason in her eyes. “I’m going to take a bath”

The male nodded, he had neglected the fact Pidge seemed to not have showered in a while considering how matted her hair was. Matt wondered if that would be able to be brushed through. “Alright I’ll ask Allura if there’s any fancy shampoo you can use,” He said, hoping that maybe spoiling his sister a bit could make her feel better. 

“No it’s fine, I want to be on my own” Katie said, walking past her brother with no other word and making her way to the bathroom. 

  
  
  


Matt frowned, he understood why Pidge was so distant but it felt wrong. He wanted to be there for her as an older brother but he knew that he should respect her privacy. 

Walking towards the lounge area the older Holt sat down on the couch with a sigh, he desperately hoped that Katie could work through her trauma without being stubborn about it or rushing it. “I just don’t know what to do” he mumbled with a frown on his face.

“There’s not a lot we can do sadly except make her feel safe and let her heal,” Shiro said, having heard him and sitting down next to him. “The most we can do is bring her to a therapist once she feels a bit better,” He said, putting his hand on Matt’s shoulder to make him feel a bit better. “If it makes you feel better, I’m sure she thinks you’re a great brother”

The ginger smiled a bit awkwardly. “Thanks, Shiro...I just want her to be okay but I know that won’t happen anytime soon” He said, thinking of the few lessons they had about mental health at the garrison. “And even then she might never be okay the same way ya know? I want to do my best” 

Shiro nodded in understanding, it was obvious how much Matt loved his sister and wanted her to slowly but surely recover and become better but also wished this would’ve never happened in the first place. 

  
  
  


Thankfully Hunk walked in at that moment holding a tray with milkshakes. “Hey, would anyone like a milkshake? I made them with love” He said with his usual gentle smile. The male had made enough for the entire group if needed.

Matt took one with a small smile and gave him a nod. He began to drink it as he wondered what to do next. Probably just spend some time in the guest room he was staying it, call Olia to inform her how he would stay a while in the castle ship.

The male knew she wouldn’t mind knowing how much he cared for his sister Olia knew even if she said no he would still stay unless it was for an emergency.

Stretching a bit Matt stood up and began making his way to the room, thinking of what he could do to make Pidge feel better. Definitely play videogames with her or maybe just give her some coding challenges. 

He was passing by the bathroom when he heard a yelp and the noise of someone slipping and falling. Without a second thought, Matt rushed in, forgetting Pidge had been taking a shower. 

Once inside he noticed a bit of blood splattered on the walls, not too much since it was likely from wounds reopening. It worried the male, even more, he was about to look away and offer a towel.

Yet before Matt could even do that he noticed something. Burn Marks...Mostly smaller ones but they were definitely there. It made the male feel sick, what did they do to his younger sister? They left her with scars that may never heal.

Katie was quick to cover herself with her arms when she heard someone come in, having been able to stabilize herself. Matt was quick to look away after he noticed the scars, not looking at her or saying something.

Pidge knew very well her brother saw the scars from the times the druids decided to see how much pain she could take. A shudder went down her spine as she teared up. “I was going to tell you, I just...I didn’t want to worry you” Katie admitted with a small frown on her face. God why did she dislike her body so heavily now when it wasn’t even her fault that she got hurt? Why did mental health make so little sense? 

Matt handed her a towel, giving his sister a moment to wrap it around herself before looking back at her. It hurt to notice a bit of blood staining the white towel, likely recent wounds reopening. Why did Pidge have to suffer so much? Why couldn’t it have been him that had been captured?

  
  
  


The older hold sat down next to the bathtub. “I know, scars aren’t fun huh?” Matt said, deciding to be more open about his own trauma so maybe his sister would feel understood. “Seeing them can either feel great for having survived or like shit because the trauma comes back,” He said, giving Katie a soft and comforting smile. 

“Yeah, you only have the great ones though,” Katie said, a somewhat jealous tone. Hearing a chuckle from her brother confused her. “Why are you laughing? Do I still have soap somewhere?” She asked.

Matt shook his head. “Nah you don’t. I was just chuckling because you’re kinda wrong” He said.“I only show the ones I like because they give me confidence” 

“What are you on about?” Pidge asked. A few scars were showing but those weren’t from Lotor’s abuse, they were from battles or struggles. “You never told be about any scars you didn’t like”

With a heavy sigh Matt stood up, taking off his shirt to reveal one on his chest and a few lower on his upper chest, where the lower edge of his chest plate ended. The kind of scar you get from wearing something too tight for too long. “I don’t like to talk about them...just like you don’t want to talk about what happened to you when that purple stain hurt you,” Matt said, touching the bigger one on his chest. 

Katie stayed quiet for a moment, wondering why her brother would’ve worn his armour too tight. “What happened?” She asked directly, ready to be angry at her brother about his stupidity. 

“Someone was able to get my chest plate off during a fight, ended up getting severely hurt because of that happening. Almost died” Matt explained after a chuckle, his eyes showed pain as he remembered what happened. He was traumatized by the incident, almost dying and all that. “I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t happen again so I kept my chest plate tighter than it should’ve been to the point where I got serious injuries because of it. I was lucky that Olia finally noticed and forced me to wear it normally again...Took a while too” He said, finishing the story with a laugh. 

Katie held an unreadable expression for a few moments, sure she was pissed at her brother for doing something so stupid yet she could understand it. “You’re an idiot” Pidge ended up saying while sticking out her tongue, clearly in a joking manner. She received a laugh from Matt before everything went silent again. 

After neither one spoke for a moment, Matt put his shirt on, picked up Pidge's clothes and handed them to her. "I'll be right outside when you're done." He said, leaving the bathroom for a moment so his sister could get dressed.  
  


A minute later, he heard the door creak open behind him. 

A few sniffs left Pidge before she was embraced by her brother in a hug. “It’s okay not to be okay..... Everyone needs time to recover after something like that” Matt said, not letting his sister let go of the hug. 

Seeing as her brother wasn’t letting her go Katie melted into the hug as she started to cry, being in her brother's arms made her feel safe and loved like before the entire kidnapping and abuse happened with Lotor. “I-I just wanna go back to normal,” She said in between sobs, Matt rubbing her back in a comfortable way. 

“I know...but I don’t think it will for a while” He said with a bit of hesitation. Matt couldn’t get himself to lie to his sister, especially when lying about it could make things worse. He held his sister a bit closer, it hurt, it hurt so much seeing Pidge like this. He was supposed to protect her when she couldn’t do it on her own. 

Katie stayed quiet for a bit, just crying quietly into Matt’s shoulder. It just wasn’t fair that she had to suffer so much, what if she couldn’t do stuff like fly her lion anymore because of her stupid trauma?

Matt ran his fingers through her hair, hoping that that would calm her a bit. “You can get a bit better though if you want to and are ready to,” He said, knowing that she wasn’t ready for a therapist yet. She didn’t feel safe yet with others thanks to that purple scum. That had to be worked on first and hopefully, she’ll feel safe again

  
  
  


A few seconds to adjust everything and Matt was off in the green lion, heart beating fast while he flew towards the others. 

“Pidge you’re here!” Lance said through the intercoms, clearly having hoped it was her that had come to help out. Hearing a sigh from the other side wasn’t encouraging though. 

“Sorry but it’s just me Lance...Green didn’t let Pidge in at all” Matt said, excited to fly as a part of Voltron but also feeling as if he was betraying his sister. Thankfully it didn’t cause any issues during the fight itself. 

Pidge waited in the hangars, not really wanting to watch her brother use her lion despite being happy he could try to be a paladin even if it was for a bit. She was supposed to be the green paladin and seeing green accept Matt instead of her directly in front of her stung. She understood why she wasn’t allowed to fly but…. How else was she going to take her mind of the trauma and issues?

Inside green she always felt strong and brave and now she felt as if everyone was out to get her. Ready to hurt her or decide she wasn’t worth the effort anymore. 

What if Matt ended up becoming the permanent paladin? Granted Katie knew she’d be awesome support and would be extremely happy for Matt but at the same time it made her feel like she was cheated out of something she had earned just because she had to deal with trauma now. 

Taking a deep breath Pidge looked at the door of the hangar, waiting for the others to come back. No more traumatized Katie Holt, she needed to step up and not let this stupid trauma affect her. She could deal with it on her own with the support of Matt every now and then right? If she was lucky she would be able to fly green again in only a few days. 


	2. Chapter 2

Matt landed green as carefully as he could, knowing his sister cared a lot for her lion. He didn’t want her to try and prank him because it took damage. Heck, Katie would probably cut off his ponytail if that happened. 

He frowned as he got up, looking around the cockpit for a few moments. “I promise I’ll get Pidge back in here...it will just take time” The male said, hearing a sad purr in his head before leaving. 

When he walked out he was tackled into a hug by Pidge. “How was it?” She asked, trying her best to act like her usual self. Matt picked up the slight sadness in the tone though.

“It was really awesome but it felt like I was stealing your place” Matt admitted with a sheepish grin. “I promise we’ll work to get you back in there.” He said, wondering why his sister suddenly seemed to be acting like her trauma left. Was she putting on a mask to stop him and the others from working? 

He hoped not considering how that could make things worse if she ignored her trauma. 

Katie smiled, happy her brother cared for her so much. Yet she was determined to go back to normal as soon as possible and that happened to be putting on a mask until she herself could convince herself that she was fine. “Glad to hear it was cool, Green isn’t hurt right?’’ She asked, pointing at her brother.

Matt chuckled and raised his hands as a form of denial. “Not at all, I made sure she wouldn’t get hit,” He said with a smile, he hoped Pidge felt better from their talk and that this was a spike in good mood instead of ignoring her need for recovery. After all, Katie was stubborn and was one to overwork herself, usually it was for stuff she liked, but here she just couldn’t force herself to continue without taking care of herself first.

“Good, because if you did I would’ve cut off your ponytail,” She said, receiving a gasp from the older Holt which made everyone laugh.

“Not my ponytail, do you have any idea how long it took to grow out until this length?” Matt said, acting overdramatic as if his sister just told him she’d hack his games and reset them.

Hunk smiled, happy to see Katie happier than earlier. “I’ll go make some food,” he said with his signature sweet smile. Everyone happily thanked him as they spread out.

  
  
Pidge began to make her way towards the room where she usually worked on the galra detector and other useful tech. Noticing this Matt stopped her for a moment. “Ya sure you ready to work on tech?” He asked, knowing how much Katie loved it but worrying it might cause an anxiety or panic attack.

“I’ll be fine, besides I love working on tech and you know that,” The female said with a grin on her face, readjusting her glasses a bit. Matt smiled and nodded in return. 

Despite his worry, the older Holt didn’t want to stop his sister from doing the things she loved to hopefully feel a bit better. “Alright, call me if you need something okay sis? I’ll just go talk a bit with the others” He said, wondering if maybe Allura knew about any places with therapists (If those even existed in space) where Katie could maybe go to once she felt safe again. Or at least safer than she felt now. 

Pidge nodded and left the hangars, this wouldn’t be too hard. She wasn’t going to need a therapist right? She didn’t have a mental illness so it would be kind of useless compared to Shiro who needed it more than her probably so he could deal easier with his PTSD. 

  
  
Pidge sat down in her usual seat, she was alone in the room at the moment. She stretched for a bit before starting to get to work, looking over code and how to improve it. Some alone time was all she needed for now. Just some time to focus on something she loved.

Yet as she worked though Katie began to feel a bit uneasy, as if she was back in the cell and Lotor could come at any moment. It made her worried, anxiousness building up bit by bit until it felt like she couldn’t breathe anymore.

Pidge tried to take a deep breath failed as her fingers hovered over the keyboard, barely registering the symbols and number on each key. Her work came to a halt tears almost in her eyes and vision a bit blurry. 

She had to focus, if she didn’t how could she help out? Could she even help out when she wasn’t a paladin anymore? Katie began to spiral into her own thoughts while still trying to code a bit which ended up messy and barely legible.

At least no one had to see her stuck in an endless loop of anxiety, memories and almost having panic attacks.

  
  


Then the door opened with a hiss.

Pidge stiffened up and almost fell over, her instincts kicked in as she grabbed a nearby cup and threw it to whoever entered as she imagined herself back in that cold cell. It scared her, it scared her that she acted so rashly when there wasn’t anything happening. 

Thankfully the cup missed the person who entered, leaving Pidge to be frozen in place for a few seconds before she quickly stood up and ran out of the room. Katie rust ran towards her room, thoughts, and anxiety yelling at her from every part of her brain until she got there.

  
  
Upon entering her room she immediately closed the door and locked it. Katie tried to take a deep breath before she slid down her door until she was sitting on the floor. Tears began to form in her eyes as she noticed all the small scars littering her arms from when Lotor abused her. 

Her brother had been right about some scars sucking, these were only bringing back some very painful memories. Ones that she knew would hopefully erode or at least decrease in presence as time went on.

Unlike Matt’s scars though, these weren’t easily hidden, it was just so unfair. Why did she have to face these head-on while others could deal with their scars so easily? Why did the trauma and the thoughts of it come back so often? 

  
  
Pidge put her hands onto her face and screamed into them, it just wasn’t fair. She knew life wasn’t and shouldn’t be fair but she couldn’t help to feel cheated out of the things she loved because of something she didn’t have any control over.

“Darn it! I just want to be myself again, I want to fly green again but that stupid scum took that away from me” Pidge almost yelled, not realizing it could be heard from outside her room. “He could’ve used me as a bargaining tool but noooo, he had to make me suffer for no quiznacking reason!”

Katie was pissed. Pissed at Lotor for hurting her. Pissed at herself for allowing herself to be captured. Pissed at her mind for getting traumatized. Pissed at this entire situation she was in. 

It had hurt when green didn’t open up for her, it hurt so much knowing she needed to heal before being at least a bit normal before her lion would allow her to pilot her again. Granted Katie knew well that she needed to heal from the trauma and not rush through it but….

But that would take so long and Pidge hated the idea of that. She wanted to be back in control of her own life again and not be startled by a high five or freezing up at the sound of a door opening.

  
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Katie stayed quiet in hopes that she could ignore the person on the other side. A sigh escaped from the person on the other side. 

“Katie....I heard your yell” He said, it was obvious it was Matt, his tone serious yet gentle unlike usual. He was clearly worried sick and wanted his sister to be okay, or at least not have to deal with her trauma on her own. 

It calmed her down a tiny bit but Katie still felt tears escape her. He probably thought she was being overdramatic after she had tried to be strong and brave earlier. “I’m fine...just a bit frustrated” She admitted as she decided to listen to her rational self. Her brother would never see her as weak and overdramatic. 

Without Matt even having to ask Pidge opened the door, clearly about to cry and needing a hug from her brother. 

  
  
The older Holt didn’t waste another second as he embraced his sister, the door closing behind them. “It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be angry Katie. I know it hurts” He said, feeling as the fabric on his shoulder began to get soaked by the silent tears which turned into loud crying.

“It’s just not fair, I wanted to go back to flying my lion but I can’t” Katie cried into Matt’s shoulder who was rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her. “It’s not even my own fault, just...why do I have to suffer because someone else was an ass? What did I even do to deserve it?” She asked, wishing she could’ve prevented Lotor from kidnapping and abusing her emotionally and physically. 

Matt held his sister a bit closer, it hurt a lot to hear Pidge hurting so much. “I know, it’s not your fault. He was just a low scum of the universe. I promise we’ll make him pay” He said, honestly wanting to make Lotor suffer now.

Katie just cried for a bit more before starting to talk and vent again. “Why must the scars and memories be more visible now? How will that help me get better?” She asked, wishing that slowly healing from trauma wasn’t this slow. 

“It won’t help,” Matt immediately said, not wanting Katie to have false hope to have a fast healing process. “But with work and people around you it will slowly get better. Not gone but you won’t be affected by it that much compared to now” He said, hoping it made sense what he had said. He didn’t want his sister to make the same stupid mistakes that he had done when dealing with trauma. 

“It’ll be okay, it’s okay not to be okay,” The older Holt said, mostly as an attempt to make Pidge remember that she could take all the time she needed.

  
  
Katie continued to cry and vent while Matt held her and just listened, sometimes saying something to encourage her to continue talking. “I just wish it hadn’t happened....” She lamented as she stopped crying. Her eyes were red and puffy at this point, having cried for a while now. “I’m going to splash some water on my face,” She said in a soft tone, her throat sore from all that crying.

Matt slowly let go of the hug. “Sounds good, wanna play some video games when you’re back? Maybe to help your mind get off things” He suggested, just wanting to spend some time with his sister. 

Pidge smirked, the idea of that sounded awesome, to say the least. She hadn’t gotten any time to actually spend time with Matt that hadn’t involved her dealing with trauma, hopefully this would be just some relaxing. “I’ll beat your ass!” She said before leaving to go to the bathroom.

  
  
The bathroom smelled like roses, probably because Allura had been in there with some kind of alien scented candle while relaxing a bit with a face mask maybe. Pidge honestly had no idea what Allura would do in the bathroom. 

Katie walked to the sink, splashing some cold water on her face and taking a few deep breaths with her eyes closed. The memories were still fresh in her mind and so were her anxieties, but knowing her brother wouldn’t let her fight on her own made it feel less powerful. Even when it was just a tiny bit. 

Pidge looked into the mirror and gave herself a grin, she was going to do her best to be as okay as she could be and allow herself to not be okay whenever she needed that.

  
  
That was when she noticed a small bottle of cream with a note attached to it. Katie decided to read it since it had for Pidge written on the note. “Dear Pidge, I noticed the scars on your arms earlier when you left the room before we could talk. I hope this cream can help them fade away. Be well okay? Love, Allura’’ it read.

The female smiled, opening the tube and putting some on the scars on her arms. She could do the rest later after having gamed with her brother. Pidge smiled, excited to beat him without any issue. Compared to the weeb he was, she was definitely the better gamer. 

The cream itself felt cold to the skin, although in a nice way where itś even a bit relaxing. Once done she put the cream back on itś spot. With a deep breath in she walked back to her room.

  
  
Entering it she noticed that not only was the console and game ready to be played but there were lots of delicious snacks. ‘’You really prepared for me to beat you huh?’’She teased with a smirk on her face as she sat down and grabbed the controller. 

Matt laughed and sat down too. ‘’Oh yeah? You’ll feel silly after I beat you then,” He shot back, grabbing the other controller and stuffing his mouth with a few snacks. ‘’Rweady?’’ The older Holt asked, face still full with snacks.

“I was born ready,” She said proudly as she picked a character. It was a fun fighting game that was for sure.

  
  
  
Months passed, Matt still being the green paladin despite Pidge doing somewhat better. She still suffered from memories and anxiety plaguing her. 

Pidge had made a habit of putting the cream Allura on, particularly visible scars in hopes that they would fade a bit. Thankfully they did, now being only visible when actively looking for them. At least that’s what Matt told her, to her they were clear as day and often brought back painful memories. 

Her mental state had become more stable but it was clear she still had a while left before she could be the green paladin again.

  
  


At the moment Katie was walking around the castle, looking if she could help Coran out while the others were out on a mission. She smiled when she found him. “Heya need any help?” She asked, approaching the Altean. 

“Ah, number 5, glad to see you,” Coran said, a cheeky grin on his face. He knew very well Pideg didn’t really like the nickname, it was the reason she jokingly stuck out her tongue. “Not at the moment,” He said.

Katie sighed, being alone hadn’t been fun the last few months since her mind would inevitably wander to the painful memories. She leaned against the wall, watching Coran just do his tasks. 

Coran hummed while doing his tasks, not minding Pidge’s company. “You are doing very well Katie” He suddenly said, a smile on his face. “It’s not easy to recover from trauma”

“I’m just doing my best....I’m just happy I’m getting better” She admitted, a sheepish grin on her face. “I couldn’t have done it without Matt though, he’s awesome”

  
  


“I’m awesome you say?” Matt said, walking into the room, having overheard the last bit. He took off his helmet and smirked. “I didn’t know you loved me so much Pidge” He teased, approaching his sister to tickle her.

Katie let out a surprised noise, being too late to escape the tickles. She burst out into laughter when Matt started to tickle her. “S-stop” She said, trying to get out of it. “I swear Matt if you don’t quiznacking stop I will cut off your ponytail while you sleep,” She said in between laughs.

The male chuckled before stopping. “Alright, alright just don’t cut my baby off” Matt said with a laugh, noticing Coran had left his smirk turned into a soft smile. He approached Katie and hugged her, scared she might react badly.

Pidge didn’t even miss a beat, hugging her brother back with a happy smile on her face. “Thanks...Thanks for staying with me and helping me through it” She said softly.

Matt chuckled. “Hey no problem, that’s what siblings are for after all,” He said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This project was an amazing experience ^^ I had so much fun writing this and interacting with everyone. Reminder that the art in the fic isn't made by me but by Nic ^^ I hoped you liked it as much as I did while writing it.


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